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  1. #1
    Birthright Developer irdeggman's Avatar
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    Here is the sanctioned version of Chap 1 with editorials made.

    Please look them over and make sure I didn't mess anything up.

    I tried to catch what I could - martial vice marital

    I also tried to rewrite the regional versus cultural text to make more sense. (another comment made)

    Let me know if I messed up - I've been fighting a bad cold the past several days.
    Duane Eggert

  2. #2
    Senior Member Osprey's Avatar
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    Looks great. I've read carefully through the chapter, and found a few more typos and language edits/suggestions. Most are just little clean-ups that will help create a more professional level of quality. Nothing like being editor for the chief editor. :P

    p. 14, top of 2nd column, it says,
    Human rangers may select a human sub-culture instead of a creature type as a favored enemy without being considered evil. For example, a Rjurik ranger may consider Anuireans to an enemy to his people and way of life and thus study how to best thwart their efforts without being evil.
    Besides the language edit (should say "...may consider Anuireans to be an enemy to his people..."), I just realized that the "rangers can't choose their own race as a favored enemy unless they're evil" restriction was dropped entirely from the 3.5 Ranger, so we should also drop this from the 3.5 BRCS. In fact, I'd drop the entire paragraph, since favored enemy bonuses should have a biological basis for most (non-social) skill and damage bonuses. An elven ranger with humans as a favored enemy would be as good at tracking and killing Anuireans as he would Khinasi or Brechts.

    I never liked the 3.0 ranger restriction anyways, inter-racial fighting (and those who specialize in it) is a part of every culture in history. By this reasoning, most every soldier in Cerilia would tend to be of evil alignment.

    p. 16, 1st paragraph
    To be certain, the skills possessed a particular rogue are almost always a unique blend crafted by the circumstances of their life, but there are some skills for which rogues from particular races or cultures are particularly noted.
    should read, "the skills possessed by a particular rogue"

    Also, the word "particular" is used three times in one running sentence. How about this as a rewrite:
    However, the skills that a rogue finds most valuable tend to be significantly different from culture to culture. The skills possessed by a rogue are almost always a unique blend crafted by the circumstances of their life, but there are some skills for which rogues of a given race or culture are particularly noted.
    p. 16, Sorcerers/Wizards - the word "rare" appears six or seven times in a few paragraphs - perhaps this could be trimmed down a bit and/or use some synonyms (seldom, unusual - "even rarer" could be "almost unheard of")? I don't think it needs to be repeated that often to get the point across (it's like using a sledgehammer to drive a small nail).

    p. 6, end of 2nd paragraph, reads
    their level of technology is roughly equivalent to that of historic cultures during of the close of the Renaissance period.
    Drop "of" after during, should read "during the close of the Renaissance period."

    Better yet, just say "their level of technology is roughly equivalent to that of historic cultures of the late Renaissance period."

    Table 1-6, p. 23:
    Administrate is a class skill for magicians.

    p. 25, 2nd paragraph under Lead skill:
    Your skill allows you to sway public opinion with your inspiring rhetoric. You may attempt to perform agitate as a free action (that is, it does not take up a character, court or domain action, but is performed in conjuncture with another action)
    Should read "but is performed in conjunction with another action."
    I don't think conjuncture is a word at all.

    p. 28, Cultural Arms Training:
    You’ve learned the common weapons of a cultural region. Choose one. (see Table 1-1: Regional warrior arms, armor, and feats). Choose one culture.
    Eh???

    p. 31 Plainsrider feat reads,
    You're come from the wide-open plains of the Khinasi.
    How about, "You come from the wide-open plains of Khinasi."

    Khinasi is the name for the region as well as the people, correct?


    Finally, p. 36 is completely blank.

    Osprey

  3. #3
    Birthright Developer Raesene Andu's Avatar
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    Can we have a word version as well?
    Let me claim your Birthright!!

  4. #4
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    Osprey schrieb:



    >This post was generated by the Birthright.net message forum.

    > You can view the entire thread at:

    > http://www.birthright.net/forums/ind...ST&f=36&t=3004

    >

    > Osprey wrote:

    >Eh???

    >

    >p. 31 Plainsrider feat reads,

    >

    >

    >------------ QUOTE ----------

    >You`re come from the wide-open plains of the Khinasi.

    >-----------------------------

    >

    >

    >

    >How about, "You come from the wide-open plains of Khinasi."

    >Khinasi is the name for the region as well as the people, correct?

    >

    >

    Only for the Anuirean barbarians. It´s the khir-aften-el-Arrasi. ;-)

    Those who don´t like el-Arrasi probably will call themselves still Basarji.

    But as the whole stuff was written from an Anuirocentric viewpoint in 2E

    I would expect nothing else now.

    bye

    Michael

  5. #5
    Administrator Arius Vistoon's Avatar
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    Sorry to speak about again.

    page 33 ( of the pdf version)
    in tables ( table 1-13 : armor avaiability..for example )
    abbreviation Vo and Vs are the same thing, aren't they ?

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    They should both be 'Vs'. 'Vo' refers to the Vorynn bloodline derivation.
    "It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion -- and usually easier."

    - R. A. Heinlien, from The Collected works of Lazarus Long

  7. #7
    Birthright Developer irdeggman's Avatar
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    The pinned thread has the latest version now.
    Duane Eggert

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