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  1. #1
    Senior Member ryancaveney's Avatar
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    I like the description of blood abilities "aching to be used."
    Overall, a good rewording of the Atlas background material.

    One thing that`s missing, though is the original Atlas`s use of Caliedhe
    Dosiere as a way to provide uncertainty: since he`s just telling what he`s
    heard, over a thousand years after the fact, he might be completely wrong!
    I think some explicit statement to that effect should be made at the
    beginning of the history section, even if just something like, "Events of
    thousands of years ago are uncertain, and many variant interpretations of
    history exist. This is the way the humans of Anuire usually tell it."

    This is especially important with regard to the extreme focus on
    Anuire-specific history: where is el-Arrasi? What of the Brecht League?
    This history gives the very strong impression that Anuire is the only
    place where anything interesting or important happened, so I think it is
    crucial that it be pointed out this summary is the work of an Anuirean.
    For one thing, I sincerely doubt any other human group considers the
    aggressive, warlike, imperialist conquerer Roele to be a good guy.


    Now, some textual quibbles. I promise I will critique more than just
    grammar and spelling in future chapters, but in the Introduction there
    aren`t any mechanics.


    Page 6:

    "rules dependent" should be hyphenated.

    "lived where the elves and dwarves shunned" -- replace "where" with
    "in places", or possibly just "places".

    "they raided ... the humanoid encampments" -- the humanoids beseiged
    themselves? If you mean "elves` and dwarves` encampments", you need a
    different word or words.

    Page 7:

    In the sentence, "They cleaved to the teachings of Azrai and pour their
    energy into preparations for war," "pour" should be "poured".

    "Rogue and merchants" should be either "rogue and merchant" or "rogues and
    merchants"; the second is consistent with "kings and priests" in the
    preceding sentence.

    Page 8:

    "Death throws" should be "death throes".

    Is "Vostian" the proper term? I`d call Belenik "war chief of the Vos
    tribes", or maybe just "of the Vos".

    Why do you call Rournil "the weaver"? Please avoid introducing
    unnecessary FR terminology ("magic" = "the weave") to Cerilia. Just say,
    "Ruornil, the high magician of Vorynn."

    Page 9:

    "found themselves trying to achieve their dreams" is a bit odd -- it makes
    it sound as if they started trying in spite of themselves. Better to make
    it "at last found themselves with the chance to achieve their dreams."

    "The Empire fell apart into so many warring kingdoms." -- drop the "so".
    If you want to say "lots and lots", use "dozens" if you can justify it:
    exactly how big was the empire at the time of Michael`s death?

    Page 10:

    "Provinces represent areas of land that in which" -- drop the "that".

    I am very much opposed to the expansion of the definition of "lesser
    magic", but I`ll leave those comments for the magician class thread.

    "for the living can stumble though" should be "or the living can stumble
    through."



    Ryan Caveney

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  2. #2
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    Ryan B. Caveney wrote:

    >
    >"they raided ... the humanoid encampments" -- the humanoids beseiged
    >themselves? If you mean "elves` and dwarves` encampments", you need a
    >different word or words.
    >
    Perhaps demi-human instead of humanoids? However I doubt that the elves
    or dwarves would call themselves demi-humans...

    >Why do you call Rournil "the weaver"? Please avoid introducing
    >unnecessary FR terminology ("magic" = "the weave") to Cerilia. Just say,
    >"Ruornil, the high magician of Vorynn."
    >
    That is from 2E Book of Priestcraft p. 59 "Ruornil is the lord of magic
    and the guardian of mystical places. Before Deismaar, he was hte Weaver,
    the title given to the greatest of Vorynn´s mages..." - so correct that
    they call him the Weaver

    Something else:
    p. 121 Fortifications:
    "Thus a fully fortified province has double the maintenance cost of an
    unfortified province"

    As there is no longer a province maintenance cost I wonder what is meant
    here?
    Same problem with fortified holdings.
    bye
    Michael Romes

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  3. #3
    Senior Member ryancaveney's Avatar
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    On Sat, 8 Feb 2003, Michael Romes wrote:

    > >"they raided ... the humanoid encampments" -- the humanoids beseiged
    > >themselves? If you mean "elves` and dwarves` encampments", you need a
    > >different word or words.
    > >
    > Perhaps demi-human instead of humanoids? However I doubt that the elves
    > or dwarves would call themselves demi-humans...

    Yes, that is the old-style D&D term, but I agree that it should probably
    not be used here.

    > That is from 2E Book of Priestcraft p. 59 "Ruornil is the lord of magic
    > and the guardian of mystical places. Before Deismaar, he was hte Weaver,
    > the title given to the greatest of Vorynn´s mages..." - so correct that

    Huh! I`d forgotten that. Still, it strikes me as being a stray FRism in
    the first place (Vorynn = Mystra), so I would ask that it be dropped.


    Ryan Caveney

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  4. #4
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    Ryan B. Caveney wrote:

    >On Sat, 8 Feb 2003, Michael Romes wrote:
    >
    >>That is from 2E Book of Priestcraft p. 59 "Ruornil is the lord of magic
    >>and the guardian of mystical places. Before Deismaar, he was hte Weaver,
    >>the title given to the greatest of Vorynn´s mages..." - so correct that
    >>
    >Huh! I`d forgotten that. Still, it strikes me as being a stray FRism in
    >the first place (Vorynn = Mystra), so I would ask that it be dropped.
    >
    Hah! Never! There is no Forgotten Realms! :-)
    bye
    Michael Romes

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  5. #5
    Birthright Developer Raesene Andu's Avatar
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    Originally posted by ryancaveney
    This is especially important with regard to the extreme focus on
    Anuire-specific history: where is el-Arrasi? What of the Brecht League?
    The history of the other regions will be presented in the Atlas of Cerilia, so less Anuire-specific history will be present there. The rulebook focuses primarily on the rules, the atlas will focus on the setting, the history, culture, realms, and organisations of Cerilia.

    I'll leave your textual quibbles to guys working on the editing (although most do seem correct at first glance).


    "The Empire fell apart into so many warring kingdoms." -- drop the "so".
    If you want to say "lots and lots", use "dozens" if you can justify it:
    exactly how big was the empire at the time of Michael`s death?
    Good questions, I'll have to admit I'm not sure, will have to take a quick look.

    Ok, the Khinasi ruled themselves, and had done for roughly 170 years. (except Suiriene)
    The Rjurik were still allied with or ruled by Anuire, and were for another 50 years or so.
    The Vos were free of Anuirean rule
    The Brecht States were controlled by Anuirean overlords (at least the Basin states were, not sure about the rest).
    As for Aduria, if we use Rich Baker's notes on the contient, then Anuire controlled much of northern Aduria, stretching from the island fortress of Tuole Ariele to Lurech, or an area roughly 1600 miles by 700 miles. All of these states were either conquered by enemies or declared independance following Michael Roele's death.

    So at the time of the Michael Roele's death, the empire covered 3/5 of Cerilia and approximately 1/7 of Aduria + unspecified holdings in Djapar and beyond.
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  6. #6
    Senior Member ryancaveney's Avatar
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    On Sun, 9 Feb 2003, Raesene Andu wrote:

    > The history of the other regions will be presented in the Atlas of
    > Cerilia, so less Anuire-specific history will be present there. The
    > rulebook focuses primarily on the rules, the atlas will focus on the
    > setting, the history, culture, realms, and organisations of Cerilia.

    Sure, fine. But then in the rules, when presenting "the history", please
    make sure to say at least "this is the historical viewpoint of only one
    group out of many; for the others, please read the _Atlas_."

    > So at the time of the Michael Roele`s death, the empire covered 3/5
    > of Cerilia and approximately 1/7 of Aduria + unspecified holdings in
    > Djapar and beyond.

    OK, so something like "The Empire disintegrated into many dozens of
    warring kingdoms" would work quite well.


    Ryan Caveney

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  7. #7
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    >As for Aduria, if we use Rich Baker`s notes on the contient, then Anuire
    controlled much of northern Aduria, stretching from the island fortress of
    Tuole Ariele to Lurech, or an area roughly 1600 miles by 700 miles. All of
    these states were either conquered by enemies or declared independance
    following Michael Roele`s death.
    >
    >So at the time of the Michael Roele`s death, the empire covered 3/5 of
    Cerilia and approximately 1/7 of Aduria + unspecified holdings in Djapar
    and beyond.

    Where are these notes?

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  8. #8
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    Where are these notes?
    I think Ian's accessing some BR lore that's not strictly public or official here - Rich Baker sent us a bunch of files containing some of the Dragon articles that were never printed, and some other materials, such as a map of Aduria. I believe the plan is to incorporate this information in future BR products.
    Jan E. Juvstad.

  9. #9
    Birthright Developer Raesene Andu's Avatar
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    Yes, I hope to include a brief mention of the Anuirean colonies in Aduria in the Atlas. This won't be full realm descriptions or anything like that, but rather an acknowledgement of their existance and a mention of the events leading up to their settlement (or re-settlement as the case may be) in the history section. I'm not sure if the map will be included or not.
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